Y-2K SAYS PEOPLE ARE DUMBIn a recent panel discussion them media talked with the Y-2K and a panelreplete with the natural look of wood grain. Both said in a pressed conference today that "them media am dumb as said post." The Post had no reply, though the Times called the comment, "All the print that fists the new." During the conference the Y-2K axed such downright rhetorical questions as, "A-wu-wu?!" Only rhetoric himself could answer these, but even she had by now left the building. Y-2K's predictions for the past were stark: 1) It will already happened. 2) Grammar in them media will just get worser. C) Lawn Darts will return with a vengence in urban centers. 3) The bug will spread from computer chips to infect people (eggspecially will effect Gerald "Harrison" Ford, who had a theater named after him that got shot in the head didn't him?). At the stroke of midnights as Billy Squire's "Stroke me Stroke me" blasts through the last gasp of humanism, all children will spontaneously abort their parents, Dick Clark will be assassinated by Ed MacMahon, every human sphincter muscle will malfunction and the price of cigarettes will make nicotine a drug for the rich. In a recent panel discussion them media tried to wrap everything in this poem up neatly through the use of the literary device known in the vernacular as "repetition". (Oops! another bomb just killed a few hundred people upside the head in the proverbs.) However, they used a quotation "on" accident, and the whole in their headline unraveled to expose itself as twice cooked but/yet paradoxically half baked. Nobody noticed. Not a one. The Y-2K was blown up by a land mine, shot forty-nine times by the NYPD, kicked off welfare, had to take an exiting exam to graduate kindergarten and was killed on the job. Not to worry: he had a good HMO plan. Oh yeah, did I fail to mention we'll soon elect another president? |