Commentary via Lexical Modification of Right Wing Web Page Poem

The goal of the civic organization Gun Nut Assholes Dot Com is to spread the distortions that show firearms are beneficial if you really want to kill someone bad. We murderous idiots believe that the basic human rights of self-preservation and bearing arms are absolute and inviolable. But this is not enough, for we are true right-wing assholes. Most insecure, underdeveloped people realize guns offer defense against criminal attack and oppression. Gun Nut Assholes Dot Com is here to reinforce and promote this concept to everyone. We don't need to trade our rights and freedom for safety--safety comes from exercising the right to carry arms, including concealed handguns. We're having an effect. Just look at what we did in Littleton. Since the organization has begun, the phrase "Gun Nuts Are Assholes!" increasingly has appeared in all sorts of media outlets. The organization was featured on ABCNews.com for several days, when they were focusing on scary hate groups. Newspapers, television news, and syndicated columnists have mentioned the organization or repeated the slogan in recent months. Gun Nut Assholes Dot Com officers have published several articles on gun issues, like "Using a Silencer to Take Out Your Neighbor" and "Depressed? Try a Hollow Point." Recently, the new CEO of Colt's armor piercing bullet division, became a contributing patron to Gun Nut Assholes Dot Com. Welcome.

BECOME A Gun Nut Assholes Dot Com PATRON! We need money. We need money for guns. Ammo is expensive, and there's a lot of people we want to kill. Many have opined there is a need for persistent advocacy of good gun policies (especially ones that eradicate existing repressive controls) and positive, relentless promotion of the idea that GUNS NUTS ARE ASSHOLES. We'll agree for one time with the labor organizer, Mother Jones. She said: "Don't agonize. Organize." So here we are, begging for money, like gangbangers with semiautomatics running low on crack. We are non-profit. We do this because we want a safe world for our children, where everyone may go armed to the teeth and comports himself most politely. We are also hoping to establish a fund to help us with our grammar. We plan to use donations for advertisements and publications to reach all the other Gun Nut Assholes out there, you know who you are. As we get the funding, we will spread the message further on radio and television. Sponsoring advertising and electronic media requires large sums. It's not like any asshole can just stick up a webpage. Our small donors have sustained us. It's hard to stick people up for large sums. Most people don't carry a lot of cash. For those with more substantial sums or regular donations looking to move away from gun donations that often end up squandered on Charleton Heston's dentures or being counterproductive, we seek advice and counsel from our donors on the correct application of gun money to the aim of alleviating rather than ameliorating gun control. Because we think guns are cool. We listen to other assholes. Let us know your opinions on taking the offensive when you send your check. Send $10 to join as a patron of our positive message. Send more if you can. We will deliver back a patron-of-liberty card and a Gun Nut Assholes Dot Com bumper sticker for starters. Please send contributions with your name, address, favorite sidearm and email address to The Asshole Polluting the Side of the Highway with Messages of Hate, I74, Central Illinois or E-mail us at manilovekilling@gunnutassholes.com

Send money. Send bullets. Send us cool shit like they got in that game Doom. With two-thirds of Americans agreeing in the latest surveys that they will be safer with a gun, we think 3 million members is thinking small. We are a nation of Gun Nut Assholes. Because of the need to counteract the clearly established internationalist movement (them are the people in the black helicopters) to eliminate private guns, we seek freedom-loving patrons from all nations. The plight of the British, Canadians, and Australians is sad, but inspiring to us. They don't have no guns, so we ain't afraid of them, even with those scary accents. We will try to turn back repression everywhere, from the barrell of a gun. When the Chinese dissidents sent messages to American gun people, admonishing us never to give up our guns, lest we be subject to our own Tiannenmen Squares, it opened some eyes to the world-wide threat to the prospect of autonomy for individuals, particularly out here in the Gun Nut Assholes Dot Com compound in Central Illinois. Although the Canadian government is leading efforts to disarm free people worldwide, some Canadian protesters recently raised a "Guns Save Lives" sign at a rally. Which proves that there are Gun Nut Assholes 'Nucks. We retain hope for eventual victory over the forces of darkness and oppression, by killing large numbers of people at random through carelessly shot weaponry. Our kids are also Gun Nut Assholes.

In 1907, one of our organizers originated the slogan "Gun Nuts Are Assholes!" He is letting us use the trademark phrase. As a non-profit association, our main goal is miseducation. We will be raising funds and spreading the phrase and its message by delivering to donors T-shirts, hats, bumper stickers, mugs, accessories and anything on which we can place those words. If we can get enough money, we plan on advertising and promoting our message everywhere, including the toilet that you shit on. We would like the slogan to be repeated as often as possible. Say it: Gun Nuts Are Assholes! (Items ordered may take 4 - 8 weeks for delivery.) The originator, perhaps the original Gun Nut Asshole, since the beginning, has given his permission for its use in NON-PROFIT pursuit of pro-gun policies that seek unrestricted bearing of arms. He asks that if you sell anything with "Guns Nuts Are Assholes" on it, you donate the proceeds above direct costs to this organization, unless there is a prior arrangement otherwise. Further, he requests that the message not be commingled with other slogans, jargon, organization names, etc., which he considers not a fair or authorized use, like satire, without specific permission. Because even if he believes in free guns, he ain't big on free speech. And he's got guns.