30 August 1999
Scott Rettberg

Another Confessional

Today I ate two cheese blintzes
a bowl of cabbage soup with some
kind of meat in it I think it was
pork, and two slices of deep dish
pizza, one black olive and onion
one pepperoni.

Also drank five cups of coffee
with milk postdated, and drank 2.5
beers, 2 miller genuine drafts, .5
of a Beck's.

Wrote 21 emails, most of them
quite short. One piece creative.
Also short.

Saw niece, and other relatives.
Kayley crawling now, as of yesterday
Saw it with my own eyes.

Momentarily wished I had
Married young, and had children.

Snapped at my mother, good naturedly,
More or less, though I did say "Eat
me. I work, I just don't get paid
for it. You ever try and start a
national nonprofit organization?"

Eat me. That's no thing to say
To your mother. These things
Just tumble out sometimes.
But everybody was laughing,
No biggee.

She was inquiring about my
Employment situation. But didn't
deserve such gruff from me. Kissed
Her goodnight. Sometimes we kid
Too much. Good family for love though.

Spoke on the phone thrice,
All good, easy conversations.
One energizing even.
Talked to an English guy, Matt,
sister-in-law's brother
who is moving here to teach
PE on the South Side.

Read the New York Times,
Didn't retain much of it,
Momentarily felt guilty
For reading it rather than
the Chicago Tribune. Thought
"Living Arts?"
And whose life precisely?
Is living in the Hamptons
An art form now?

Things look very bad in
Turkey, and it's not
Going to help the Kurds
One bit.

Looked up web sites on
Twentysome American playwrights,
Annotated them.

Read about that guy who
murdered somebody, strangulation,
with a friend, then cut him up
with a radial saw, then fled
to Israel, where he avoided
extradition and got 24 years
in a plea bargain. Didn't really
bother me, though I guess the
victim's family can't be real
pleased. Felt bad for the murderer's
Father, who now faces obstruction
of justice charges on his return
to the states. Thought about
what I would have done if I
were him, a patent attorney
with a murdering son who I
loved nonetheless. I probably
would have shipped him to Israel
too--if I were his father.

Read about Creative Capital,
new organization giving out
grants to artists and creative
types, thought "We should have
applied for one of those"
--deadline just passed.

Ah well.

Didn't really care about what
I saw on the Presidential race.
Don't give a rat's ass about
What drugs Bush snorted, wouldn't
Vote for him anyway, merely on the
Basis of his name and record.
Is that small of me?

Sent two packages in the mail.
One of them to a priest.

Missed Kendra for a few minutes
on several occassions.
Missed Julie for a moment.
Missed Michelle for two.
Thought of Jen on her way to Alaska.
Resolved to write Kendra a letter soon.

Thought I heard a gunshot.

Didn't like several drivers
on the Kennedy. Felt brief
Anger at near-death experience.
Said asshole. Felt ill will.
Also cursed parking restrictions.

Made bad joke comparing death
of John Kennedy Jr. and Princess Di.
Wasn't funny even.

Thought up several hypertext projects
Forgot two.

Had a discussion about communities
which center on shopping malls
rather than town squares.

Thought that I need to read a
Good book again soon.

Cursed both the death penalty
and the proliferation of guns.

Swore at my computer
when it froze.

Thought about potential future
collaborative learning programs
which would use hypertext to
help kids get along better.

Smoked about eighteen cigarettes.
Need new hobbies.

Agreed to interview an author
Whose work I haven't read.

Thought about how few
Books I've read lately.

Bought coffee, toilet paper, gum,
saline solution and treats for
Maestro the cat.

Spent thirty-five minutes
Writing this.

Learned very little today.
Resolved to do better tomorrow.