Clinton Deploys US Bombs and Troops to Fight Floyd

Washington-AP (Associated Poets) This morning’s press conference agenda was old hat, bombs deployed to stop a forced migration, but this time the problem had come home. Clinton announced that the US military was going to use "any means necessary" to stop the evil terrorist weather system Floyd which as caused the largest evacuation in United States history. Following Clinton’s announcement, Press General Nastyhappy gave a full report on the readiness of each branch of the armed forces. Nastyhappy gloated on the recent development of the Shrapnel Storm Shredder and the Nice Day Device. The general was not at liberty to speculate as to the possible risks involved in the campaign, although he did say, "At this point we have ruled out the use of the paratroopers."