11 October 1999
Anne Bargar & Maiko Covington

Headline Cafe Menu

Sandwiches

Republican Presidential Candidates Fear Christian Coalition
A delectable blend of Church and State, served on your choice of whole wheat
or white bread. $6.75
Add soup, salad, or The Bible $10.00

Japanese Nuclear Industry Fucks Up
Tender, Flaky Science Blunder served *sizzling hot* with toast and a special
unidentifiable blue cocktail. $6.75

Y2K Preparedness Questionable
You never know what'll happen with this seasonal specialty! $5.50

Sheriff's Officers Behave Stupidly, Get Indicted, Still Don't Lose Jobs!
A timeless classic served Au Jus on a hoagie bun with a complimentary side
of donuts. $6.00

China Puts On Communism's 50-year Anniversary Bash
Well-aged and marinated, this sandwich offers a taste for those wanting to
experience something different $7.00

Russia Bombs Hell Out Of Chechnya For No Apparent Reason
A taste of revenge over a humiliating political defeat! $8.75

What Actually Constitutes "Emergency" Congressional Spending?
Our most inflated sandwich! Infused with hot air from Washington DC, this
sandwich will mess with your sense of time and give you a taste of what it's
actually like to be there as congress debates budget allocations.
$250,000 payable in 13 monthly installments

Everyone Wants Pat Buchanan: To Run With Someone Else's Party
Loudmouthed and uncompromising, this dish invokes the aura of those who
wont shut up even when their facts are wrong. $2.00

Ken Starr Spent A Lot Of Money To Prove Nothing New
Served last year as "impeachment Surprise", we're rehashing this favorite
for the new millennium. $45,000,000

Massacring Civilians In Wartime Declared "Naughty" By US Army Command
If you believe this, we pay you $ 0.00

There've Been Some Earthquakes
Served on a bed of rice with a sauce of inadequate government response time
$10.95

Restrooms Bombed At Traditionally African-American University By White
Supremacist
They're coming out of the woodwork for the millennium! Our white power flavor
of the week $6.75

Free Antacid tablets Served With Each Meal!