2 December 1999
Anne Bargar
2 December 1999
Anne Bargar
Silly Dialogue, Opus No. 2(WTO Protest Poem) (To be performed within a small group - if you don't have a small crowd
handy, create one.) One: Excuse us. Tony: Huh? Two: Excuse us! Tony: And who are you two? One: We're special agents one- Two: and two, and we're here from the World Trade Organization's Special
Intellectual Property Confiscation Unit. Tony: Uh.....ok. Who are you with? One: The World Trade Organization, or WTO. It regulates trade, and intellectual
Two: Although intellectual property often includes things like patents,
trademarks, and copyrights, the Secret Special Panel has decided to expand
the definition of "intellectual property" to include the part
of the human body that generates thought. Tony: I'm sorry, but I'm not quite understanding where you're coming
from. I've heard of this WTO thing; I mean, it hasn't been kept THAT secret,
but I really don't understand what you want. One: Ha Ha! That's because only things that can be presented in the best
possible light are released to the press. So you could not have seen the
requisition from the SSP's acquisition department creep up on you. Tony: And what do you want to talk to me about? Two: You're on our special requisition list for Intellectual Property.
You'll have to come with us. Tony: Why? One: In short, person QX325B, we've come for your brain. The SSP has
taken out a patent on it, which it can do under the Intellectual Property
provisions of the Tony: I don't think so. And my name is Tony, not person QX-whatever. Two: That might be what you think, but in our file you're listed as QX325B. Tony: I don't care what you think I'm called, I'm NOT handing over my
brain. One: Person QX325B, your resistance is considered an unlawful non-tariff
barrier to Two: In fact, you very skull is considered a barrier to free trade, or
in this case, theneed to use your brain in a major, world-changing project. Tony: And what if I find whatever this project is to morally reprehensible? One: Then let me tell you what you'll be taking part in. You will be
helping to calculate the structure of wood-derived polymers that will
form the foundation of the world's first free-floating nuclear test site. Two: They're going to be very popular. We've got the early figures back
on their investment potential. Tony: Ok, that's really disturbing. I'm going to leave now. One: That will be fine, as soon as you give us your brain. Tony: How many times do I have to tell you dingbats that you are NOT
getting my brain? I don't care WHAT kind of power this WTO of yours has
been endowed with! I certainly didn't vote for it, and I refuse to acknowledge
any authoritative body that is not part of the government that I voted
for, unless of course I'm visiting abroad. Two: You can't vote for a trade organization. Your government voted for
it. Tony: Then, as a trade organization, how can you possibly enforce anything? One: Because we have all the money! Tony: Then I call for the development of a moneyless system, that will
not prey on the less well-endowed, and will not sanction the removal of
someone's brain! Two: Tough shit. Tony: I mean, I voted for the anarchists. One: It doesn't matter who you voted for! Tony: Yes, it does, and I did NOT vote for the body that you represent.
Therefor, you can have no say in where my brain goes or, indeed, what
I do with it. Two: QX325B, you don't have the power to withstand the trade sanctions
our organization can levy against you. Tony: You can't levy trade sanctions against an individual. the answer
is still no. One: QX325B, do you want us to call for reinforcements? Tony: Where are you going to call them from, the bank? Who's backing
you up, Two: We have the power to take you through the Dispute Settlement Process! Tony: Look, I'm sick of this. It is NOT written into any local, state,
or federal law anywhere that, if some monkey-brained unthinking dork from
some unheard-of branch of some semi-secret organization shows up and demands
that I hand over my brain, that I actually have to hand it over. I don't
think so. One: (hesitant) The United States will face heavy, heavy sanctions if
you don't Tony: And it's about damn time, too. Serves them right for having signed
such a stupid agreement. Two: How many times do we have to tell you that local law is now irrelevant? Tony: Yeah, and doesn't that seem like the dumbest thing you've ever
heard? (starts to One: (hesitantly) Well... Tony: It doesn't take a mathematical genius to realize that, if everything
were distributed just a bit more fairly, that there would still be plenty
of everything to go around. It would take just a calculator and some math
skills. Two: I've heard that before. And the will of the multi-nationals remains
the same. Tony: So back to this request of yours. You want my brain. Doesn't that
strike you as being absolutely absurd? No, completely ridiculous. And
absolutely absurd. (One starts to think) Two: We're not getting paid to debate this with you. Tony: Thinking about it, you might find that it's a really appalling
request. (backs up One: (distracted) You know, I'm starting to see your point. Two: (turning, exasperated) One, the Uber-Controller has already had
to speak to you about thinking on the job. One more slip, and your career
is over! (Tony turns and walks away quickly) One: (shouting) Hey, QX325B is getting away! Tony: Ha Ha! Made you think! One: Come back, or we'll send out reinforcements! Tony: And I will spit on your reinforcements! Two: We'll pay you for your brain! Tony: (backing away) Really. One: Really! We'll make it worth your while. Tony: (still retreating) Ok. How much? Two: Millions! Untold millions! After all, we have the world's financial
resources at our disposal! Tony: (still retreating. One And two try to follow, but the performers
have several people between them) Millions. One and Two: Yes! Millions! Tony: (shouting) Wow. Hey, how am I going to spend millions if I'm a fucking zombie? |
