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Jerome awakens into a burning anxiety. His personality returns in a blur of fragments. He crushes the goosedown pillow against the wall and leans up and blinks. His sleep had been asphyxiating, dreamless, blank unconsciousness not resembling sleep. A wretched cognizance overcomes him as he stares unblinking at the wall stained by feeble fogfiltered morning light. The day has begun, the sky is grey. The weather hangs like wool, as still and irritating. The curtains move gently in the draft streaming in through the ruined window. He will not go to work. Cigarette clamped between two fingers, he stands up, staggers to the bathroom, and hurls repeatedly. With a gasp the chunks pour out, shaken loose. Chunks of what, he wonders dizzily, negotiating spasms. He hasn't eaten. He stumbles outdoors into the ruins of cinderblocks and a rust-eaten Webber grill, past an abandoned hot dog truck propped up on bricks, a spent condom lying among beer cans. Picking shreds of regurgitation from between his teeth using the pinky of his cigarette hand, he walks. Today, he thinks, I help blow up the world. Then, as the flames rise, I get drunk for real this time. |