NEWSPOETRY ACQUIRED BY SCHNEERTZ
New CEO Dogged by Scandal

Urbana, IL (Associated Poets): Newspoetry international, the company responsible for the runaway hit web destination newspoetry.com, was acquired by the Schneertz National Institute For the Advanced Study of Something-or-other (SNIFASS) January 1st in a friendly password swap, creating an online poetry / dada conglomerate with vast holdings. Outgoing Newspoetry webmaster William Gillespie was replaced by Schneertz CEO Joe Futrelle, who says he welcomes the change (pronounced "SHAWNJ").

But Futrelle's stewardship of newspoetry.com has been dogged by scandal from the outset. Ones of disappointed surfers discovered shortly after the clock struck 12 on New Year's Eve that the site was down. The error was traced to one of Futrelle's Perl scripts and quickly repaired. Newspoetry has estimated that the lost traffic cost the site $0. Unconfirmed reports have also surfaced that Futrelle offered Gillespie a used car that barely runs in exchange for the site. The value of the car is reported to exceed $20. Although Futrelle has denied the allegations, it seems too late for newspoetry to escape being tainted by the scandal that seems to surround Futrelle at every turn.

Unless, as Schneertz has always reminded us, things "shawnj".