Strange Death Row Pact Signed

oday, Florida Governor Jeb Bush signed into law a streamlined proceedure for Death Row appeals, making it the "quickest route to getting fried in America," a supporter was quoted as saying.

Death Row inmates in Florida currently must file their second appeal within the first year of their conviction. However, the new law would streamline that process by offering each condemned prisoner a 7-Day Carnival Cruise if they agree not to file any appeals at all.

"This is just nuts."

Also part of the new law, which supporters are going wild over, but opponents simply refer to as "the warped doings of a depraved administration," Death Row inmates who lose their second appeal would have the choice of being instantly vaprorized, infected with Anthrax, or going on a 3-day cruise during which they would be tossed overboard into shark-infested waters. "This is just nuts," one opponent was quoted as saying.

"Hey, a lot of these guys have just been sitting there, some of them for years. We want this to be the quickest route to getting fried in America," said Jeff Birgine of Video Store Clerks for Neo-Vigilante Justice.

"We've got a lot of guys on Death Row, and we're only killing one or two of them a year. Man, we need to get busy!" Mr. Bush was quoted as saying.