Wall Street Reports Stock Values Of Deceased Mountain Climbers Increase
Himalayan Find Drives Stock Values Up

AP (Associated Poets)- When it was announced to the world that famed Mount Everest climber George Mallory had been found, stock in dead mountain climbers soared, stock analysts are saying.

"We're not surprised," says stock watcher Q. Bradly Smith. "Stock in dead mountain climbers has been rock steady for the many years."

Asked why dead mountain climbers have been so popular, one investor said, "See, they're a good investment. They aren't going anywhere, and their number steadily increase every year. Many stocks are more spectacular, but mountain climber stock is trustworthy."

"For example, I could invest in the new Glaxo-SmithKline merger, but that merger is going to cause the loss of 22,000 jobs in the United States. That sort of thing should be a weight on any investor."

George Mallory (+3.41)

Q Bradly Smith figures the value of a stock by looking at the elevation where the climber perished, the actual amount of surfaced covered (whether they died on the way up or down). Also taken into account are their experience and fame. "Take George Mallory. He is extremely famous. He had the most experience with Everest, and was an extremely good rock climber. Now, take into account the height at which he was found-27,000 feet. Everest is 29,085 feet. He way well have covered the whole mountain, although one really doesn't know. All of this added together makes for a very safe investment."

The fame of the mountain also figures in to the overall value of the stock. "Everest stocks are quite valuable. Everest has serious name recognition. The range might be well-known, but the individual mountains might not be."

George Mallory and Andrew "Sandy" Irvine got lost on Mount Everest in June of 1924. Mallory was found so that a documentary could be made about it 75 years later, even though the expedition was looking for Irvine and a camera made entirely of titanium feathers.