You Need Expensive Stuff!^TM

And now a word from You Need Expensive Stuff!^TM and its parent company Krapco, Inc. You Need Expensive Stuff!^TM Is proud to announce its new line, Practical Gifts For The Extremely Wealthy^TM. Here's a look at their new Winter Collection^TM, neoteric gadgets and gear for fashionable comfort in severe weather.

Anti-Frostbite Make-Up^TM lets you look good, and keep for facial features intact and protected from frostbite. Made of pliable space-age polymers, this line of make-up protects from severe weather while enduring temperatures of 10° F and lower. Protects face from severe wind and cold while allowing you to defy the weather with pride and confidence. Base make-up protects whole face while lipstick, rouge, and eyeliner accent delicate features while adding protection. Starter package starts at just $5000.

Tired of sitting on a frigid toilet seat in public rest rooms? Then try our new Tush Warmer^TM! Runs on 4,000 AAA batteries, and can be used anywhere. Comes in 15 exciting colors, 13 patterns, and 10 comfortable textures, including fine leather and mink. Basic Tush Warmer^TM starts at $6,500. Mink Tush Warmer^TM starts at just $17,000.

Tired of having a cold nose while participating in your favorite wintertime activities? Then try our new Mini Internal Combustion Engine Facial Warmer^TM! This handy device gently blows warm air onto the parts of your face that need it most. Comes either as a headset or an attractive eyeglass attachment, fashionably embedded with precious gems. Starts at just $8000.

Men, does your beard freeze in cold weather? Then try our new Nuclear Powered Beard Defroster For Men^TM. Runs on tiny nuclear reactor to warm you beard; attaches to base of beard, yet is specifically designed not to pull on facial hair. Comes in lead-lined case for your protection. The cost to you? Only $20,000!

Do you want to enjoy outdoor weather, but find that you just dont have the stamina for it? Find that the wind is just too much? Why not try shrink-wrapping yourself in our new, comfortable Breathable Plastic Body Suit^TM? Simply step into the Body Cast^TM , before putting on your outdoor clothing, and let it coat you in velvety, supple plastic. Keeps out all drafts, yet allows for human respiration. Be the envy of all those poor saps in lower tax brackets who have to shrink wrap just their windows. Basic package starts at just $45,000.

Finally, here are a few of the up-and-coming products that will be ready for release in March. Place your order early!

• Driving Gloves with special Nuclear Reaction Lining^TM.
• Your Own Personal Yeti^TM
• Self-Heating Cosmetic Implants^TM
• Microwavable Golf Tees^TM for winter fun
• Titanium Core Fission Toothpicks^TM
• Electric Thumb Screws^TM

The Practical Gifts^TM line is available through mail order at 1-800-BUY-MORE, and is available on the World Wide Web at www.youneedmoreuselessexpensivekrap.com treat yourself to some luxurious personal warming gadgets today!

Because if you're extremely wealthy, you can afford anything.