Microsoft to Merge with DOJ

Urbana, IL (UPI (Union Poetry Internationalists)):

icrosoft announced this evening that it would merge with the US Justice Department. In the stunning development that resolved the anti-trust suit against Microsoft that Justice had filed, Bill Gates leaped ahead of his rivals in the field of corporate dominance.

As the new arbitor of legal right and wrong in the United States, Mr. Gates mentioned that the next challenge still lies ahead. "My folks are trying to get God on the cellphone right now. St. Peter has already mentioned that the Lord God was considering a buyout, but only if the Heaven management team was retained."

This was an apparent reference to last week's Microsoft acqusition, Hell. The Devil was said to be unavailable for comment, but was seen earlier this week in what appeared at the time to be a telling demotion- shoveling coal into the furnace of the luxurious and spacious Gates mansion. Informed commentators have speculated that this was just a stop on the road to something better for the Devil and today's development may bear out the angelic management team's serious concerns.

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"Le Show" contributed to this report.