McLean Wins Michigan
Bids Farewell to US Pastry

Michigan (Associated Poets):
aperboy Don McLean beat incredible odds here today and picked up 52 delegates in a decisive win, throwing the hotly contested race for the Republican nomination into utter disarray. His sentimental message, though lengthy and dated, resonated strongly with baby boomers and cynical Gen-X-ers alike in this diverse Northern state.

"Now do you believe in rock and roll?" McLean asked a cheering audience who gathered to hear his lengthy, dated acceptance speech in front of Michigan's historic levee.

Don McLean with supporters in Michigan

Apparently voters did, turning out in record numbers to cast their votes for a man who drove his Chevy here a long, long time ago, only to find it dry.

McLean's wide-ranging acceptance speech was not short on criticism for one-time front-runner George W. Bush, who he described as a "jester" who had "lost his thorny crown". Though some found the kalidescopic interplay of metaphors in his speech disorienting, this "generation lost in space" seemed ready to carry McLean to national victory at this decisive turning point for the Republican party.

McLean and three other well-loved candidates caught the last train for the coast this evening, where McLean hopes to attract new voters to his pie-send-off campaign in the closely-watched race for California. Analysts at national think-tanks, scrambling to explain recent events, warn that McLean may face a serious challenge from California's own Richard Harris, who entered the race this afternoon with the shocking revelation that someone had left a cake out in the rain.