Newspoetry Report from Fairfax, VA

Fairfax, VA (Associated Poets)
a month ago

My connections to the outside world consist of my window, my phone, the internet, and a smattering of cable channels. From these I have the following to report:

Weather. Sheets of ice slide off of cars, rain thunders against my window.

Politics. Ted Koppel's hair remains as unflappable as the man wearing it.

Sports. Apparently, all of that Microsoft money has been unable to buy Seattle a pro basketball team which can defend itself against the Sacramento Kings.

Antiques. A melted fork from the Hindenburg is worth thousands of dollars. Some woman made orgasmic sounds upon having her antique appraised at over $10k.

Business. Biotech is hot, hot, hot, never mind that the Dow just erased almost a year's worth of gains. Every kind of TV programming is underwritten with edgy ads by online stock trading companies anymore, which brings me to a point: security.

The Yeti. The Yeti continues to receive room and board for dismantling tennis balls and braids of canvas scraps. I like to imagine that she misses me.

Entertainment. Stereotypes are funny. Hospital emergencies are dramatic. Police detectives are gorgeous.

Crime. An inmate who cooks last meals for the condemned plans to market his own brand of hot sauce in "5,000", "10,000" and "20,000 volt" strengths. I turned off the TV.