SCIENTISTS UNCOVER MARTINLUTHERVANDROSS- SAMMYDAVISKINGJUNIOR- SHORTXIV GENE IN STARTLING DISCOVERY!

cientists today concluded but re-opened the Human Genome Project with what they are calling "a startling discovery". Geneticists on the project upon its completion accidentally spilled a glass of DNA and whiskey durring a toast celebrating the project's long-awaited end. Those who worked on the project expected to drink in their victory by consuming all of the no-longer-neeed DNA. But none of them expected that when they sprayed the double-helix stain left behind on the floor with liquid nitrogen soap that this would turn up a hitherto unheard of Gene. Dr. Hanz Farthatbroque who headed the Genome project said, "We on the project are simply stunned to discover that our work has not in fact concluded at all but only just begun."

The doctor was referring to the work that lies ahead in finding a viable explanation for the newly uncovered MartinLutherVandrossSammyDavisKingJuniorShortXIV Gene. This gene, geneticists say, turns out to leave one big mystery alive for genetic researchers to solve. The gene throws a wrench in the theory espoused by the Genome Project scientists that all humans are fundamentally

Ultimately, humans have nothing in common at all.

identical by opening the question up of exactly how to explain the unlikely but nonetheless extremely common phenomenon (some scientists speculate this is actually a series of tightly packed and interwoven phenomena) of two or more people sharing aspects of their names but sharing little else in common. The Gene was named after civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King Junior, soul sensation Luther Vandross, lounge sensation Sammy Davis Junior, comic sensation Martin Short and King Louis XIV, former CEO of the France Corporation. Such "trait specificity" as that shared in common by these people's names puzzles scientists, who had previously thought appreciable differences between people were genetic accidents which occurred only seldom in history.

Dr. Farthatbroque reports that he will re-open the Human Genome Project later this month. While this new gene is an apparent set back, some on the project have already begun to speculate that with further research they will locate the Bozz Skaggs Gene, which they believe governs all other genes in the human pool. This gene, they believe, will show definitively that ultimately humans have nothing in common at all, just as rocker Bozz Skaggs is the only human ever to have been named Bozz.