Gore Campaign Announces Biotechnology Breakthrough

uring a hurriedly called press conference this afternoon, Al Gore's press chief, Itch Y. Slimy, announced that the putative Democratic Party presidential candidate had just undergone a delicate procedure that broke a new frontier in biotechnology. "Just as he was responsible for the success of the Internet, Al Gore today thrust Presidential politics squarely into the 21st Century. Mr. Gore has agreed to be the first presidential candidate to have his genetics adjusted to optimal specifications to be, without a doubt, the finest candidate for President ever offered to the American people." The spokesman said that the Vice-President received a enhanced personality package, which included the one feature he lacked to be the consumate politician that he has always desired to be- his mouth was redesigned as a "bokor's mouth."

Widely known by their presence in such wildly successful examples of American exceptionalism as the the National Used Car Dealers Association, American Telemarketers Alliance, Brutal Cops Anonymous, and

Nader

the Tailhook Association, bokors are know far and wide for their gift of gab, a talent that Mr. Gore had, until this point, lacked.

The only comment so far was from a distant cousin, Wanda I. Gore, who called the Secret Service to cancel her ticket for the Gore Familiy Reunion, scheduled for June 31. "There is no way I'm going to listen to him brag his way through another one of these little get-togethers. I had to tell him to sit down, shut up, and let Uncle Sonny talk about WWII last year. The damn bokor will be insufferable now," she said bitterly, recalling the incident to this reporter. "Then he threw my marhsmallow/lime gelatin salad into the punch bowl. I think I'm going to vote for Ralph Nader."