Nader Chooses Al Gore, George W. Bush as Running Mates

oncern over Ralph Nader's candidacy siphoning votes from the major parties was heightened today by the announcement that he has selected Al Gore and George W. Bush as running mates.

"This will almost certainly attract Gore and Bush supporters to Nader's insurgent candidacy," said a reporter, quoting himself in an article on the subject. A photographer following Nader on the campaign trail was able to get a photograph of himself in the act of photographing himself, reflected in Nader's glasses.

Ralph Nader

Analysts went out to lunch with each other. "Screw analysis," vented one to the other, ordering a bottle of wine at random. "Don't let it get to you," responded the other, examining the menu carefully, "just take a couple of days off, you'll get back into the swing of things. This happens to me every couple of years too, believe me."

In unrelated news, scientists announced the discoveries of ten planets in nearby solar systems. The planets were discovered by taking a poll of planets in this solar system and asking them how they thought the discovery of nearby planets would affect scientists. The poll had a margin of error of +/- 175%. The newly-discovered planets did not return calls placed to their vast offices.