George W. Names Barbie New Running Mate

(HOUSTON, TX--Associated Poets) In the wake of the sudden and mysterious disappearance of GOP vice presidential nominee Dick Cheney, top Republican brass have been scrambling all week to find the perfect replacement. After a final long night of brainstorming with his campaign staffers and party leaders, George W. Bush announced today that his choice for the V. P. slot is Barbie, the ever-popular icon of American youth and womanhood manufactured by Mattel toys.

Newspoetry.com hosted this exclusive press conference with Barbie:

NP1: Barbie, the GOP has been in turmoil this past week. What do you think is going to happen now that you've been nominated as the running mate?

BARBIE: We're going to get together and have a great party! Wanna come over?

NP2: Ms. Barbie, could you review, briefly, your qualifications for the office of Vice President?

BARBIE: I was just voted most popular girl in my class.

NP3: Barbie, what are your strategies for keeping the American economy strong in the future?

BARBIE: I've got a great idea! Let's go shopping. See you at the mall!

NP4: Barbie, do you have any comment on U. S. foreign policy as it relates to the World Trade Organization and its policies on child labor?

BARBIE: Gee, I just love all my new clothes and shoes!

NP3: Barbie, what about the American worker? NP1: And what about the environment? NP4: Is Barbie in solidarity with working women and feminists in America?

BARBIE: Ken's taking me out in his new convertible. Doesn't that sound cool?

NP2: Barbie, do you have a message for the Beltway insiders, big business moguls, and lobbyists who are dumping so many millions of dollars into George W. Bush's campaign this year?

BARBIE: Let's be best friends! Call ya later.

When asked to comment on the latest-breaking news that aging Barbie dolls made of polyvinyl chloride exude toxic chemicals, an anonymous source at Mattel commented, "That's okay, so does Texas."