Newspoem
2 October 2000
Joe Futrelle
Joe "unsafe at any speed" Futrelle

Consumer Reports Recommends Nader
Candidate Represents Best Value

Consumer Reports® Online
Home | Magazine | Ratings/Reports | Forums
Safety alerts | Recalls | Site map | Search | Help/FAQs
Subscribe | E-mail | CR products & services


Ratings Candidates

Shop Smart.
What's rated and why. These models fit comfortably into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., and onto numerous cabinets, committee chairmanships, and international diplomatic organizations. We include more Republicans and Democrats than other brands because almost ninety-five in a hundred candidates elected is a Republican or Democrat, available on all U.S. ballots. The next most popular are Green and Reform. Several models of Reform, introduced last year apparently to compete with the more heavily-funded Republican Grand-Old-Boy line, which has expensive features such as family ties to the CIA.

Who makes what. GE makes upscale GOP and value-priced Bible-Thumper; R. J. Reynolds the high-end Fundamentalist, low-end Pro-Lifer; Disney the high-end Moderate, cheaper Waffler; the NRA the upscale Amendment, cheaper Militia.

Voting tip. Bring along your favorite civil liberty and ask the candidate to autograph it. If he seems reluctant, or looks around nervously at the press, try a different candidate.


The tests behind the Ratings

The overall score stresses executive performance but also considers character, campaign finance, and hot air consumption. Leading reflects making a tough decision (see Main report). Hot air is for a normal term; the largest portion is needed for rheotrical flourishes such as state of the union addresses and campaigns. Campaign expenditure during primaries, debates, and off-cycle elections was evaluated by lobbyist surveys and extensive audits. Character reflects placing our regular stresses and a special load with extra personal attacks and scandals. Backbone includes factors such as walking the walk, sticking to unpopular principles, and resisting the influence of powerful lobbies. Price is the estimated cost of electing the candidate, based on insider information.


October 2000

Candidates
In performance order
Key no. Make and model Price (millions) Overall score Leading Campaign expenditure Hot air Character Backbone
              REGULAR SPECIAL  
   
1 Green Nader $2
2 Democrat Gore 125
3 Republican Bush 175
4 Reform Buchanan 10
See About the Greens.


Recommendations & notes.

All models have: Four year terms, including inaugaral and "lame duck" cycles with an optional second term. Veto power over congressional legislation. Control of the military. Ability to appoint supreme court justices. Warranty in the form of impeachment, but requires two-thirds majority and you do not get your money back.


1.  Green Nader $2 million
Best all-around choice.

PERFORMANCE:
This candidate can be elected on a shoestring budget compared to big spenders by Republican and Democrat, making it a very attractive choice. Though no candidates did particularly well on hot air, the Green Nader is far and away the best in this category, as it is in most categories. Look no further for backbone. FEATURES:
Pork sensor. Solar-powered. Lobbyist-resistant.


3.  Republican Bush $175 million
Not worth the price.
PERFORMANCE:
A poor performer overall, this is the most expensive major candidate. For your money, you'll get a lot of hot air, and an untrustworthy leader of limited intelligence. FEATURES: Death penalty. Supply-side. Oil-friendly. Pro-life. No affirmative action.SIMILAR: Democrat Gore

About the Greens
We began this project with several Green candidates to test, but we list only one in the Ratings. Here's why:

Several Green candidates have been vying for attention, but only one model won the party's nomination. We can report that the other Greens we tested performed similarly, with high environmental ratings and excellent campaign spending limits. Based on our research, the Nader provides all of the fine qualities of these other models, combined with a long and trouble-free record that's sure to please any voter that's looking for value.



Home | Magazine | Ratings/Reports | Forums | Safety alerts | Recalls
Site map | Search | Help/FAQs | Subscribe | E-mail | CR products & services
Copyright © Schneertz Co. International, 2000

Newspoetry, the Whole Story