203 E. Oregon Secedes From Union

AP (Associated Poets)

his afternoon, the four residents of 203 E. Oregon declared themselves to no longer be a part of the United States. "We've been listening to election results for four nights straight and we're sick of it," they said in a joint statement. "We feel that our best option is simply to leave the union altogether. After all, we all voted for Nader."

When asked how they plan on dealing with such issues as garbage collection and feeding themselves, as well as the possibility that they might find

"After all, we voted for Nader."

themselves faced by Feds with Guns, they simply gave a collective shrug. "We realize that we have a lot to deal with. We will be dealing with these issues one at a time, in a fashion that everyone can agree to. When we figure it out, we shall let Wednesday know, and she will discuss the matter as is prudent in her newly appointed position as Ambassador to The Neighbor's Basement."

"When we have determined how our basic needs will be met, we shall then set about writting a national anthem, designing a flag, and setting up an intricate intelligence network," they said.

Strife Below the Surface

It does appear, however, that strife is looming just underneath the surface. Questions as to the political stability of the unit have been raised. And there have reportedly been heated arguments over which animal, cat or newt, will be the official mascot. And there are some doubts about appointing the cat to be a major link with the outside world. "Well, this is to be expected. We're new at this, so we're gonna have some problems sorting all of this out," one resident said under conditions of anonnymity. "And Wednesday is very good at communicating sophisticated ideas to complete strangers, so we have little to fear there."

When asked if the residents of 203 were completely insane, the resident in question said, "Well, yes. But don't tell anyone else I said that. it's an official state secret."