Bush Executes Gore, Gore Dumps Bush
Both Candidates Dead

Dateline 7 December 2000, Death Row, Texas (Dissociated Press):

ate last night secret documents were leaked to the press by a left-wing activist group identifying itself as the Green Party. The Green Party appears to have kept an underground profile until last night, at which point it was first heard of by the U.S. press. Seven members of the

The Green Party was first heard of by the U.S. press last night.

party broke into the Republican-Democratic main headquarters in Epcot Center, Florida shortly before midnight on Wednesday night. The members found and stole a top secret file of documents linking George W. Bush to Al Gore's recent execution and Al Gore to Bush's recent assassination. The seven members of what the F.B.I. speculates is a sub-group of a still larger Green Party who were responsible for the break-in were all found guilty of vehicular homicide, treason, drug trafficking, gangbanging, and drive-by panhandling by a jury of people who on the surface looked like they could be defined as peers of the defendants in a statistically significant and elegant manner.

The stolen documents were leaked shortly before the arrest of the "Greens", as the gang of seven call themselves. The documents were found in a file marked COIDIOTPRO. COIDIOTPRO was a secret program started by the Republican-Democratic umbrella Party in an effort to destroy and discredit both the Republican and the Democratic protest movements, which have recently come to a ground swell over the Florida ballot controversy and were seen by many in the umbrella party as a threat to national defense. Documents in COIDIOTPRO indicate that Republican presidential candidate and governor of Texas George W. Bush became an agent-provocateur for the Republicans in exchange for being let off on charges of 39 counts of murder over the last year. Shortly after his assignment Mr. Bush joined the Democratic party and befriended Presidential candidate and Vice President Al Gore. Mr. Bush fabricated a letter in acceptance of Gore's offer for the two candidates to meet to demonstrate good faith to the American people everywhere. In the letter Mr. Bush invited Mr. Gore to, "come on down to our great state of Texas and meet Texas style, Al, out at the Chili cook-off." The COIDIOTPRO documents further reveal that a sixteen-year old African-Mexican-Chinese-Native-American boy with HIV, Schizophrenia and severe mental retardation had been purposely removed from Texas' death row and planted as the winner of the Chili cook-off in order that he could be killed as a set-up of Gore. The boy, referred to as "Boy" in the documents, was then shot to death at close range by a secret service agent, who then planted the murder weapon on Al Gore as Gore stood for a photo op. next to "Boy". Mr. Gore was immediately arrested, arraigned, tried and sentenced to the death penalty by a Texas court.

The COIDIOTPRO documents further reveal that when Mr. Gore's numerous appeals of the verdict were not successful, Mr. Gore was instructed to become an agent-provocateur for the Democratic Party, joining the Republican Party, in exchange for being let off for 10,000 counts of felony pollution charges related to the success of his invention of the internet. His first task as agent-provocateur was to forge a letter from Gerald to Betty Ford which read simply, "Dear Betty, me and the kids have thought it over, and we've decided it's O.K. with us if you

"Close the clinic. We miss the old Betty."

booze it up and start popping pills again. Close the clinic. We miss the old Betty." After this task was complete Mr. Gore befriended George Bush senior in order to secretly exploit Bush senior's connections to the CIA. As the documents reveal, only seconds before the electric chair and gas chamber were lethally injected into Mr. Gore, ending his life, Mr. Gore worked out the final details of his last COIDIOTPRO assignment. Gore sent a secret letter over the internet, the top-secret tool Gore invented to send "virtual-", or "e-mail", in which he instructed CIA agents to have George W. Bush assassinated. Mr. Bush junior was assassinated moments later while delivering his now-famous "I Have a Nightmare" speech to a group of rich white guys who feel oppressed due to special interest groups.

The Republican-Democratic Party denies any allegations linking it to the deaths of both of the presidential candidates. Earlier today it issued a statement saying, "Redford and Hoffman made that shit up about Dick, and the Green Party did too." In the absence of any candidates for president, Gary Hart has been nominated to be the next president. Mr. Hart will be sworn into office in January.