Today's Constitutional Hallucination

he performance of Phil Kline ("Yawp") was done in boombox with boombox accompaniment. Justice Breyer quoted himself as saying "rich textures suggestive of a moaning crowd," and it became clear that he wasn't listening to any more legal arguments. Rather than writing an opinion, he was writing a review of a music festival in Brooklyn. Maybe he was going to declare Brooklyn unconstitutional. If only we could remember why. Justice O'Connor suggested that he edit that out of the dissenting opinion, regardless of whether or not the aforementioned Breyer wished to take part in that scene. The Justice agreed, making it unlikely that he

Gore appeared in a tutu and canvas high-tops.

would be having tea and biscuits with Mr. Kline in an attempt to rescue the prerecorded tapes from themselves, the election from the prerecorded tapes, or any exclusive analytical rights from the pundits. The analytical rights were put in a cooler next to the Supreme Court, who had had it out in a game of team handball, with Justice Scalia ascending and Rhenquist keeping score. The analytical rights shared space with some tequila and a six-pack of Schaffer. Bush appeared on TV wearing what was discovered to be a tiara and gown, which the garments themselves declared unconstitutional, yet smashing. Gore appeared in a tutu and canvas high-tops. This, along with a special appearance of the Finnish grunting choir Huutajat, at first appeared to be a mistake, but was then interpreted by those present as some kind of frayed reality. All nerves were held as both frayed and in contempt of court. The inaugural ball will be held and televised as planned. Womanizing at the ball, and throughout the next administration, is expected to be down at least 50%, while misspellings and simple math errors are predicted to increase sharply in the next five years.