NEWSpoetry
2000 index
titles newspoets subjects forms dates

12-character:

a cycle of 4 12-character haiku

Automatic 12-character Magnetic Valentine

12-character Op-Ed on Chief Illiniwek

12-character haiku:
a cycle of 4 12-character haiku
20-consonant:
Happy Holidays
527:
Newspoetry 527's
67-letter poem:
67-letter Newspoem
abcederian:
Happy Holidays
advertisement:
Californium

You Need Expensive Stuff!

Blatant Advertisement

advice column:
Ask Your Aunt Barbara: Your Dating Questions Answered
alliteration:
Aaron's Alphabetic Advancement: an Atrocity?

Chicago Tribune 9/24/00

Twixt Two Twists

anagram:
Ansty Antsy

Tutti Frutti, Oh Rudy

Oh, "art" us!

analysis:
Analysis of Newsweek 21st Century Predictions Staff Writers

Presidential Bullshit: An Analysis

apology:
Letter to Grozny
audio:
Strange Death Row Pact Signed

Mr. Big Reports

Why Newspoetry is Good for America

Soft Manhood Threatens Re-Elected Mayor of San Fransisco

Heimlich on Political Action

Your Aunt Barb's Personality List of 1999

The Weight

Pentagon Proposes Stupid, Money-Wasting Defense System

Winning Lottery Numbers

Alan Greenspan's Briefcase

drought

Republicrats Unanimously Adopt Pro-Poverty Bill

Serial Killer Runs for President

McDonald's Gives Stock Market Serious Heartburn, Gastritis, Appendicitis, Irregularity, Gall Stones, Liver Disease, Migraine Headaches, "The Runs", Pattern Baldness, Really Bad Gas, Ingrown Toenails, and "The Vapors"

After the Scampi

Expecutive Trunk Cauterizes 30% Transcrease in Bag

I Cannot Tell a Lie: I Killed Again Last Night

Julia Butterfly of Suburbia

Martian Water Debate Continues

Declaration of Independence Sold

Picnic in Urbana

North Korea Attempts to Join in the Trend Towards Globalization

Clinton Arrested in Fairville, Oklahoma

Villaknell

Raging Harmony The Theme For GOP, Democratic Negative Blaze Tops 60,000 Acres Of TV Ads

A Set Theory and Metric Spaces book asks Dick Cheney

Drowned by the Hype

Text of Prayer to be Spontaneously Chanted at Mandatory, Spur-of-the-moment Prayers to be Held at Impulsively-Scheduled Occasions Pre-determined Suddenly and Unexpectedly by Impromptu Religious Organizations

George W. Names Barbie New Running Mate

$.02one hole

DOWn

nasdaq flat

203 E. Oregon Secedes From Union

Cat Questions Ambassadorship

Former President Bush Goes Home After Hip Surgery

Today's Constitutional Hallucination

automatic:
Automatic 12-character Magnetic Valentine

Automatic Summer Poem

NTSB Issues Final Report on John F. Kennedy Jr. Crash

Clinton returns to Camp David regard something as probable or likely with desire to mediate Mideast quality of state or fact of existing unlike or dissimilar

Bush to receive CIA updates: Intelligence agency plans to brief Bush six days a week

billboard:
What We've Suspected All Along
blank verse:
Why I Smoke

Late to Work

blank verse sonnet:
The Nine-Haiku Blank Verse HyperSonnet
blues:
The Dick Cheney Blues
bridge column:
The Bridge Column
briefing:
A Briefing on Missile Defense (for George W. Bush)
briefs:
News Brieves
calendelle:
1999, Year of the Unknown
cgi script:
The News

You Can't Say That on the Fucking Radio

chant:
UIUC Loses Last Appeal Against GEO
chart:
Global Prison Population Warming

DOWn

collage:
Taxpayer Update

Vote for Me

colored text:
Total Lunar Eclipse
computer-generated:
The News

NTSB Issues Final Report on John F. Kennedy Jr. Crash

Clinton returns to Camp David regard something as probable or likely with desire to mediate Mideast quality of state or fact of existing unlike or dissimilar

confession:
Newspoetry Service Disrupted by Y2K Bug
conspiracy theory:
Newspoetry Conspiracy Theory

Newspoetry Conspiracy Theory, part 2

contest entry:
Why Newspoetry is Good for America
conversation:
Oh, Pomo!

Conversation Road Sign Diary

Roundtable Discussion on Labor

cultural review:
Newspoetry Cultural Review 1999-2000

The Roving Cultural Review From West Central Ohio, Deep In The Heart Of French Territory Circa 1750

definition:
Enlightened Meanings for a Tired Language

The Definition of "Equal Protection" As It Appears in the Majority Opinion of the United States Supreme Court, December 12, 2000

dialect:
Clinton Arrested in Fairville, Oklahoma
dialog:
Clinton Arrested in Fairville, Oklahoma
dialogue:
Newspoem 24 March 2000

The Dozens

diary:
Conversation Road Sign Diary
dig:
Satired
the dozens:
The Dozens
dream:
Newsdream
eulogy:
Peanuts No More
exquisite corpse:
Television Subject Other
fable:
A Poet Reads the Newspaper, ...

A Fable

Fable

false statements:
False Statement Newspoem
field report:
Atlanta Linux Conference
form letter:
Letter to Bill Clinton
game:
Electoral Word Find
Haiku:
Clinton Does Vietnam
haiku:
semi-multi-level-esque-ish haiku in the wicked stupid style

a cycle of 4 12-character haiku

The Nine-Haiku Blank Verse HyperSonnet

Existential Haiku

Villaku

A Bunch of Haiku, Tankas, and Phone-Number Poems from the DC Protest

American Justice

Memorial Day / Weekend Brings Increases In / Newspoetry Price

Haiku (x 2)

The Four Secrets of Highly Motivated Professionals

Double Dubya Haiku

DOWn

Middle East Passive/Chicago Tribune Grammar/Conflict Spin Haiku

Palm Beach Haiku

headline:
Glut in Headline Market Takes Tropes to New Low

Headline Glut Continues

One Shits One Not

From the Financial Times

Scientist's Crack Human Gene Code

headlines:
Headline Subtraction Pome

Newspoetry Headline News

Breaking News is Hard to Do

NewsSpasms

heimlich:
Heimlich on Political Action
hypertext:
At Machiavelli's: a WTO Protest Hyperfiction

Tinyman for President

interview:
Interview with a Gun

A Set Theory and Metric Spaces book asks Dick Cheney

George W. Names Barbie New Running Mate

koan:
A Koan
lament:
Today
letter:
Letter to Grozny

Dear Amazon.com

Dear John McCain and George Ryan

Open Letter to the Rat-Fucks Trying to Get Elected

Letter to the Editor

Letter to the Editor

An Open Letter

Psychic Bison Unsung

Letter to Bill Clinton

limerick:
Three Limericks from Cincinnati

Limerick 2000

No-Tory-us!

Light Verse About Newspoets

DOWn

Mark Sheldon

Incredible Hulk Limerick

limerish:
Limerish
lipogram:
Top Row Retort
list:
Your Aunt Barbara's Top Ten List Of Stupid Piercings

The 2000 Election Thus Far

lottery numbers:
Winning Lottery Numbers
mad lib:
Television Subject Other
magnetic poetry:
Newspoem on my Refrigerator

Automatic 12-character Magnetic Valentine

AT

manifesto:
Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 1

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 2

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 3

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 4

Puppet Manifesto

menu:
Times Square NRA Theme Restaurant Menu
metaphor:
Demolition as Metaphor
missive:
Y2K
mockery of iambic pentameter:
Person Proud of Attitude "Problem"
multiple choice:
Newspoetry Y2K Year in Review Quiz
nine-haiku blank verse hypersonnet:
The Nine-Haiku Blank Verse HyperSonnet
nonsense:
Airblame Gnash

Being an Allegory in Meter'd Neologism Concerning the Modern State of Edgy-Kation and Poly-Ticks, or Something

Expecutive Trunk Cauterizes 30% Transcrease in Bag

ode:
Oh, to Be Like Mike!

Ode de' Marque Enslin

Ode To Trash Day In Zanesfield, Oh.

op-ed:
12-character Op-Ed on Chief Illiniwek

There's nothing much to think about, folks!

Op-Ed Question of the Week

Cat Questions Ambassadorship

opinion poll:
Op-Ed Question of the Week
Panku:
Clinton Does Vietnam
Pantoum:
Clinton Does Vietnam
pardoy:
Republicrats Unanimously Adopt Pro-Poverty Bill
parody:
Computer Malfunction

U.S. Working People's Can-Do Culture Under Pressure

Frosty the Poet

America

Que Sera, Sera

Cut Your Losses

Jolly Old Czaint Nicholas II

National Geographic Plans Bond Issue

"Vanka"

Winter Wonderland

phone-number poem:
A Bunch of Haiku, Tankas, and Phone-Number Poems from the DC Protest
pledge:
Pledge of Allegiance
poem :
Newspoem about School Shootings, the WTO, Cuba, Police Brutality, Oil Prices, Chechnya, the NASDAQ, and Global Warming
poem from the heart:
Rising
poll:
Vote for Me
portal:
Welcome to MyNewsPoetry, GUEST!
prayer:
Text of Prayer to be Spontaneously Chanted at Mandatory, Spur-of-the-moment Prayers to be Held at Impulsively-Scheduled Occasions Pre-determined Suddenly and Unexpectedly by Impromptu Religious Organizations
precept:
Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 1

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 2

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 3

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 4

predictions:
Your Aunt Barbara's Predictions for the 21st Century
press conference:
George W. Names Barbie New Running Mate
prose-poem:
Nature
ptuim:
Airblame Gnash

Expecutive Trunk Cauterizes 30% Transcrease in Bag

punctuation acrostic:
',-()----""'?.!?!
quiz:
Newspoetry Y2K Year in Review Quiz
rant:
Madder Than I Ought to Be?

My America

The Scribblings of an Insane Genius

rap:
Leave The Yeti Alone
ratings:
Consumer Reports Recommends Nader
readymade:
Bush to receive CIA updates: Intelligence agency plans to brief Bush six days a week
receipt:
Automatic Summer Poem
report:
Newspoem No. 573B

Total Lunar Eclipse

Mr. Big Reports

Humans Fail to Prove Superiority of Opposable Thumbs: Lamp Remains Inoperative

Newspoetry Coverage of Ropes Panel Discussion on Electronic Literature with Richard Powers and Sven Birkerts at the University of Cincinnati on February 3rd, 2000

Newspoetry Report from Fairfax, VA

The Ungas Report

May Day Poetry Slowdown

The Southern Girls Convention: A Report

Indian Firefight

Nader Chooses Al Gore, George W. Bush as Running Mates

Inventor of the Lava Lamp Dies

Waiting for Todd

The Roving Cultural Review From West Central Ohio, Deep In The Heart Of French Territory Circa 1750

restaurant review:
recipe (after Johnson)
review:
Newspoetry Architecture Review: The New Jimi Hendrix Museum and Robot Zoo

Newspoetry Cultural Review 1999-2000

Consumer Reports Recommends Nader

The Roving Cultural Review From West Central Ohio, Deep In The Heart Of French Territory Circa 1750

roundtable discussion:
Roundtable Discussion on Labor

Television Subject Other

rules:
Olympic Rules and Standards: Turkey Slicing Competition
satire:
AOL, Time/Warner Shove Each Other Up Each Other's Assholes

Analysis of Newsweek 21st Century Predictions Staff Writers

Beltway Insiders OK Steamy Bi/Het Love Tryst

Newspoetry Acquired by Schneertz

Government Buys Bad Drama

Californium

The News

Strange Death Row Pact Signed

Wall Street Reports Stock Values Of Deceased Mountain Climbers Increase

Government Announces New Food Programs

Newspoetry Lays off 1

"The Home Ground": McCain Leads Texas Seige

Microsoft to Merge with DOJ

Nader Only Candidate Left in Birthday Surprise

McLean Wins Michigan

MIT, UIUC Launch Home Economics Programs

Presidential Seat Open and Running -- For Itself

Term Limitation Deadlock: Former President Taft, Vice President Agnew Cloned!

Clinton makes muclear ban plea

Pentagon Proposes Stupid, Money-Wasting Defense System

Newspoetry's Book Recommendations

Judge Issues Gates-Split Order

US Tourism a Trickle of Big Spenders

Los Alamos Burns

Lazio Presidential Material

Gore Campaign Announces Biotechnology Breakthrough

McDonald's Gives Stock Market Serious Heartburn, Gastritis, Appendicitis, Irregularity, Gall Stones, Liver Disease, Migraine Headaches, "The Runs", Pattern Baldness, Really Bad Gas, Ingrown Toenails, and "The Vapors"

Martian Water Debate Continues

Declaration of Independence Sold

Super-Rich Support George W.

North Korea Attempts to Join in the Trend Towards Globalization

Investors Drop Newspoetry After Lower-than-expected Earnings Report

A Plea From the Heart to Stop So-Called "Replication Control"

Major Insults Futrelle

NPR Host Reveals Differences Between Genders

Marylin Manson Endorses Bush

Ambivalence Returns to America

Bush Executes Gore, Gore Dumps Bush

Former President Bush Goes Home After Hip Surgery

scorecard:
Boundary Waters Scorecard
screenshot:
Tory Party Withdraws ISP Service
script:
Clinton Arrested in Fairville, Oklahoma
semi-multi-level-esque-ish haiku:
semi-multi-level-esque-ish haiku in the wicked stupid style
short story:
William Gillespie Accused of Murder: Eggplant Involved

Newspoetry Conspiracy Theory

Newspoetry Conspiracy Theory, part 2

Nader Chooses Bill's Hat as Running Mate: Popularity Surges

Tinyweek

Tinyman for President

snowball:
Patrick Dorismond RIP, NYPD
soft english:
Unbad News (for the Hard-English Impaired)
song:
Que Sera, Sera

Tuttasaurus Ruttix

Cut Your Losses

Elvis Wasn't Called the King for Nothing

Jolly Old Czaint Nicholas II

Ode To Trash Day In Zanesfield, Oh.

Radical Cheerleader

Winter Wonderland

sonnet:
Late to Work
spenserian:
Electoral Sonnet
standards:
Olympic Rules and Standards: Turkey Slicing Competition
subtraction:
Headline Subtraction Pome
tail-chaser:
Gore's Legal Team Interferes With Old Boy Process
tanka:
A Bunch of Haiku, Tankas, and Phone-Number Poems from the DC Protest
textbook:
A Set Theory and Metric Spaces book asks Dick Cheney
tirade:
Person Proud of Attitude "Problem"
top ten:
Your Aunt Barbara's Top Ten List Of Stupid Piercings
travelogue:
Yet Another Boring Travelogue
univocalic:
Footwords to Howl, for Solomon

Left Rebel "Red Ken" Elected

Russ Sub, Kursk, Sunk; UK Sub Plumbs

nasdaq flat

valentine:
Automatic 12-character Magnetic Valentine
villaku:
Villaku
villanelle:
Villaknell
wanted poster:
WANTED
wicket poorly constructed poem:
Hey Gang, uh, This is Just a Thought I Had That I Kinda' Thought Might, uh, be, Like, Important, or Something, You Know?. : a critique in the form of a wicket poorly constructed poem in the form of an avant garde palindrome
word count:
A Fifth of August
word find:
Electoral Word Find
word ladder:
From Bush to Gore
word problem:
Word Problem