NEWSpoetry
2000 index
titles newspoets subjects forms dates

',-()----""'?.!?!

$.02one hole

12-character Op-Ed on Chief Illiniwek

1999, Year of the Unknown

The 2000 Election Thus Far

203 E. Oregon Secedes From Union

67-letter Newspoem

#77 not an election poem

A16 Protest Portal

Aaron's Alphabetic Advancement: an Atrocity?

After the Scampi

Airblame Gnash

Alan Greenspan's Briefcase

Alleged Autumn

Ambivalence Returns to America

America

america i love thy odor

American Justice

American Skin

Analysis of Newsweek 21st Century Predictions Staff Writers

And So

and then

The Another Cross

Ansty Antsy

AOL, Time/Warner Shove Each Other Up Each Other's Assholes

Ask Your Aunt Barbara: Your Dating Questions Answered

AT

Atlanta Linux Conference

At Machiavelli's: a WTO Protest Hyperfiction

Automatic 12-character Magnetic Valentine

Automatic Summer Poem

The Average Person

Baby Steps

Being an Allegory in Meter'd Neologism Concerning the Modern State of Edgy-Kation and Poly-Ticks, or Something

Beltway Insiders OK Steamy Bi/Het Love Tryst

Beltway Pome

Birthday Pome

Blatant Advertisement

boundary conditions

Boundary Waters Scorecard

brace

Breaking News is Hard to Do

The Bridge Column

A Briefing on Missile Defense (for George W. Bush)

bumpidabumpa

A Bunch of Haiku, Tankas, and Phone-Number Poems from the DC Protest

Bush Executes Gore, Gore Dumps Bush

Bush to receive CIA updates: Intelligence agency plans to brief Bush six days a week

Californium

Can Someone Please Explain This?

Cat Questions Ambassadorship

Cawst

Chicago Tribune 9/24/00

Classics Updated for New Millenium

Clinton and NRA Trade Schoolyard Taunts

Clinton Arrested in Fairville, Oklahoma

Clinton Does Vietnam

Clinton makes muclear ban plea

Clinton returns to Camp David regard something as probable or likely with desire to mediate Mideast quality of state or fact of existing unlike or dissimilar

Computer Malfunction

Consumer Reports Recommends Nader

Conversation Road Sign Diary

Cut Your Losses

a cycle of 4 12-character haiku

A Cycle of Blank Verse Sonnets

Deadlock Above the Keys

Dear Amazon.com

Dear John McCain and George Ryan

DEATH

DEATH

Death of a Newspoet

Declaration of Independence Sold

The Definition of "Equal Protection" As It Appears in the Majority Opinion of the United States Supreme Court, December 12, 2000

Democrats Brats, Ratpublicans "Frat Boys"

Demolition as Metaphor

The Dick Cheney Blues

Dick Says ...

DMD -- Dialectical Materialism Denial

Double Dubya Haiku

DOWn

The Dozens

Dream

drought

Drowned by the Hype

Dubya

Election Anxiety

Electoral Sonnet

Electoral Word Find

Elian Gonzalez Killed by Crayon

Elian, the Token Alien

Elvis Died for your Sins

Elvis Wasn't Called the King for Nothing

Enlightened Meanings for a Tired Language

Epsilon Eradani

EverGreen

Executive Dysfunction

Existential Haiku

Expecutive Trunk Cauterizes 30% Transcrease in Bag

Fable

A Fable

fall

False Statement Newspoem

A Fifth of August

Footwords to Howl, for Solomon

Foreign Policy Panel: Ease Cuba Embargo

Former President Bush Goes Home After Hip Surgery

for the next four more

Forty Athol Street: a Memoir

The Four Secrets of Highly Motivated Professionals

Freedom From Verse

Freedom's Just Another Loss for Nothing Left to Words

From Bush to Gore

From the Financial Times

Frosty the Poet

The George Bush Center for Intelligence

George Bush Probable President

George W. Bush Calls for Reduction in Nuclear Arms; Newspoetry Calls for Reduction in George W. Bush's

George W. Names Barbie New Running Mate

Georgie Ryan

Gillespie Wins Gold in Men's Newspoetry

Global Prison Population Warming

Glut in Headline Market Takes Tropes to New Low

Gore Campaign Announces Biotechnology Breakthrough

Gore Invented Jack Ruby, Indigo Girls

Gore's Legal Team Interferes With Old Boy Process

Gorilla Bloat

Government Announces New Food Programs

Government Buys Bad Drama

Green is Not Seen

Gulf War Syndrome

Haiku (x 2)

Happy Holidays

Headline 2/22/98

Headline Glut Continues

Headline Subtraction Pome

Heimlich on Political Action

Hey Gang, uh, This is Just a Thought I Had That I Kinda' Thought Might, uh, be, Like, Important, or Something, You Know?. : a critique in the form of a wicket poorly constructed poem in the form of an avant garde palindrome

Human Genome Informed of its Rights

Humans Fail to Prove Superiority of Opposable Thumbs: Lamp Remains Inoperative

I Cannot Tell a Lie: I Killed Again Last Night

In Brief...

Incredible Hulk Limerick

Indian Firefight

Intelligence vs. The Rule of Law

Interview with a Gun

Inventor of the Lava Lamp Dies

Investors Drop Newspoetry After Lower-than-expected Earnings Report

"It was a cold day in Hell ..."

It Was a Silly Year

Jellyfish Power Failure

Jolly Old Czaint Nicholas II

Judge Issues Gates-Split Order

Julia Butterfly of Suburbia

Justice Murder

A Koan

Late to Work

Lazio Presidential Material

Lazio's Eyes Heat-Ray-Capable

Leave The Yeti Alone

Left Rebel "Red Ken" Elected

Letter to Bill Clinton

Letter to Grozny

Letter to the Editor

Letter to the Editor

Light Verse About Newspoets

Limerick 2000

Limerish

Lines Stolen from M and Y

The Little Cuban Boy

Local Man "Doesn't Give a Shit" About That Stupid Cuban Kid

Local Politician Running For Statewide Office Fails To Tip Coffee Shop Employee

Los Alamos Burns

Low-Riding Public Policy

Madder Than I Ought to Be?

Major Insults Futrelle

Mark Sheldon

Martian Water Debate Continues

Marylin Manson Endorses Bush

Maybe it's Wal-mart

May Day Poetry Slowdown

McDonald's Gives Stock Market Serious Heartburn, Gastritis, Appendicitis, Irregularity, Gall Stones, Liver Disease, Migraine Headaches, "The Runs", Pattern Baldness, Really Bad Gas, Ingrown Toenails, and "The Vapors"

McLean Wins Michigan

Memorial Day / Weekend Brings Increases In / Newspoetry Price

Mentally-Disturbed Woman Terrorizes Local Business

Microsoft to Merge with DOJ

Middle East Passive/Chicago Tribune Grammar/Conflict Spin Haiku

Mightywords Stabs ELO ED in Back

The Mile-High Wildlife Report

missiles

MIT, UIUC Launch Home Economics Programs

Mr. Big Reports

The Multiculturalist's Anachronism

My America

My First Newspoem

Nader Chooses Al Gore, George W. Bush as Running Mates

Nader Chooses Bill's Hat as Running Mate: Popularity Surges

Nader Only Candidate Left in Birthday Surprise

nasdaq flat

National Geographic Plans Bond Issue

Nature

The News

News Brieves

Newsdream

Newspoem 14 September 2000

Newspoem 24 March 2000

Newspoem 2 June 2000

Newspoem 6 March 2000

Newspoem about School Shootings, the WTO, Cuba, Police Brutality, Oil Prices, Chechnya, the NASDAQ, and Global Warming

Newspoem No. 573B

Newspoem on my Refrigerator

Newspoem to a Spirit Known by Newspoets

Newspoem Upon Hearing that the Supreme Court Overturned Every Effort to Discover What Everyone Already Knows

Newspoetry 527's

Newspoetry Acquired by Schneertz

Newspoetry Architecture Review: The New Jimi Hendrix Museum and Robot Zoo

Newspoetry Conspiracy Theory

Newspoetry Conspiracy Theory, part 2

Newspoetry Coverage of Ropes Panel Discussion on Electronic Literature with Richard Powers and Sven Birkerts at the University of Cincinnati on February 3rd, 2000

Newspoetry Cultural Review 1999-2000

Newspoetry Headline News

Newspoetry Lays off 1

Newspoetry Report from Fairfax, VA

Newspoetry's Book Recommendations

Newspoetry Service Disrupted by Y2K Bug

Newspoetry Y2K Year in Review Quiz

NewsSpasms

The Nine-Haiku Blank Verse HyperSonnet

NIST, CODATA Skeptical About Lighter Earth

Nobody Cares

North Korea Attempts to Join in the Trend Towards Globalization

No-Tory-us!

NPR Host Reveals Differences Between Genders

NTSB Issues Final Report on John F. Kennedy Jr. Crash

NYC Pome

Ode de' Marque Enslin

Ode To Trash Day In Zanesfield, Oh.

Oh, "art" us!

Oh, Pomo!

Oh, to Be Like Mike!

Olympic Haiku

Olympic Rules and Standards: Turkey Slicing Competition

One Shits One Not

Op-Ed Question of the Week

An Open Letter

Open Letter to the Rat-Fucks Trying to Get Elected

Palm Beach Haiku

The Party

Patrick Dorismond RIP, NYPD

Peanuts No More

Pentagon Proposes Stupid, Money-Wasting Defense System

People's Republic of Green Street Recognizes New Nation

Person Proud of Attitude "Problem"

Picnic in Urbana

A Plea From the Heart to Stop So-Called "Replication Control"

Pledge of Allegiance

Poem on the Theme of Mistake

A Poet Reads the Newspaper, ...

Polls Revolt

Post-Columbine

Presidential Bullshit: An Analysis

Presidential Seat Open and Running -- For Itself

Psychic Bison Unsung

Puppet Manifesto

Que Sera, Sera

Radical Cheerleader

Raging Harmony The Theme For GOP, Democratic Negative Blaze Tops 60,000 Acres Of TV Ads

The Real Story

recipe (after Johnson)

Regrettable Loss of Life

Reminiscences of Al Gore

Republicrats Unanimously Adopt Pro-Poverty Bill

Rising

Roundtable Discussion on Labor

The Roving Cultural Review From West Central Ohio, Deep In The Heart Of French Territory Circa 1750

The Runners-Up

Russ Sub, Kursk, Sunk; UK Sub Plumbs

The Santa Clause

Satired

Scientist's Crack Human Gene Code

SCIENTISTS UNCOVER MARTINLUTHERVANDROSSSAMMYDAVISKINGJUNIORSHORTXIV GENE IN STARTLING DISCOVERY!

The Scribblings of an Insane Genius

semi-multi-level-esque-ish haiku in the wicked stupid style

Serial Killer Runs for President

A Set Theory and Metric Spaces book asks Dick Cheney

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 1

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 2

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 3

Seven Precepts for a Better Millenium, part 4

Shake

Signs of the End Times, IV

snow

Soft Manhood Threatens Re-Elected Mayor of San Fransisco

The Southern Girls Convention: A Report

Spring is Coming

Strange Death Row Pact Signed

Sub Pome

Super-Rich Support George W.

swath

Target, Target, Do the Right Thing

Taxpayer Update

Television Subject Other

Term Limitation Deadlock: Former President Taft, Vice President Agnew Cloned!

Text of Prayer to be Spontaneously Chanted at Mandatory, Spur-of-the-moment Prayers to be Held at Impulsively-Scheduled Occasions Pre-determined Suddenly and Unexpectedly by Impromptu Religious Organizations

"The Home Ground": McCain Leads Texas Seige

There's nothing much to think about, folks!

"Things looked very dark, it had been getting dark for some time"

This Week in the Middle East

Three Limericks from Cincinnati

The Times

Times Square NRA Theme Restaurant Menu

Tinyman for President

Tinyweek

Tobacco Choking on Ozone

Today

Today's Constitutional Hallucination

Today's Winning Amino Acid Base-Pair Sequences

TOO Democracyish

Top Row Retort

Tory Party Withdraws ISP Service

Total Lunar Eclipse

Tuttasaurus Ruttix

Tutti Frutti, Oh Rudy

Twixt Two Twists

UIUC Loses Last Appeal Against GEO

Unbad News (for the Hard-English Impaired)

The Ungas Report

Union Boycotts Boss

US Tourism a Trickle of Big Spenders

U.S. Working People's Can-Do Culture Under Pressure

"Vanka"

Villaknell

Villaku

Violence Kills

Vote for Me

Waiting for Todd

Wall Street Reports Stock Values Of Deceased Mountain Climbers Increase

WANTED

Wazz'up

Web Site Recruits Donors, Recipients

A Wednesday Late November On Tim

The Weight

Welcome to MyNewsPoetry, GUEST!

Welcome to the Future

Wen Ho Lee steals nation's fishing secrets while serving time on a false nuclear espionage charge (#76)

What Causes AIDS in South Africa?

What I Do During Staff Meetings

What We've Suspected All Along

When Bethany's Sexay Love Man Votes

... Which brings me to a point: security.

Who am I?

Why I Smoke

Why Newspoetry is Good for America

William Gillespie Accused of Murder: Eggplant Involved

Winning Lottery Numbers

Winter Wonderland

Word Problem

The World According to Citigroup

The Wreck of the Good Ship Lollipop

Y2K

The Year That Nader Ran

Yet Another Boring Travelogue

You Can't Say That on the Fucking Radio

You Need Expensive Stuff!

Your Aunt Barbara's Predictions for the 21st Century

Your Aunt Barbara's Top Ten List Of Stupid Piercings

Your Aunt Barb's Personality List of 1999