The House of the Rising CD Sales
for Julia Keller and the Chicago Tribune

(to the tune of "House of the Rising Sun")

I cannot sing a single note,
and I suck at playing chords.
That's why I'm here in Hollywood
at the MTV Music Awards.

My parents were both millionaires.
They worked for R. C. A.,
And they took their boss for sushi and drinks,
And that's how I got here today.

When you sign your name on the dotted line,
Well, you'll know just where it went.
It goes straight to the corporate mogul men.
They get ninety-three per cent.

And they spend that money on the fashion shows,
On limousines and crowd control,
And when they need a bail-out, they
Go straight on the public dole.

But if you could get such a hand-out, kid,
Coming straight from Uncle Sam,
Then you might say something dangerous,
And I wouldn't be where I am.

So if you think you're some kind of musician, kid,
And you've paid me any mind,
Then I am simply asking you,
Why the hell do you wanna get signed?