Newspoem
16 February 2001
Dirk Stratton
Dirk Strattoned

What if a pill could end crime?

WASHINGTON - The genetic revolution made possible by mapping the human genome may include new cures for drug addiction, restoring health to the mentally ill and, perhaps, one day replacing prisons with pills, experts say. . . . "Some physicians already regard criminality as a disease," Dr. McGuffin said. Treating crime with pills "is a possibility" if researchers can find a genetic basis for some of the human impulses that underlie some crimes, he said.

--Cincinnati Post, Feb. 11, 2001

Off the record,

Dr. McGuffin continued:

"Unfortunately, such pills would

be controlled

substances, otherwise known as drugs, and

thus be illegal without a prescription. Given the strong likelihood

that the effect of these pills might include

a highly euphoric effect, we'd

ironically enough, have created

something new to get addicted

to, resulting in a new breed

of criminal seeking ways to obtain these pills; then we'll be in a very bad

situation because we'll have to decide

whether to cure their criminality with the very pill they became crooked

to obtain or punish them by keeping them in an undrugged,

'criminal-ed'

state by withholding the medicine. In such a case, have we rehabilitated

them or exacerbated

the problem? Or do you treat the addiction to the pills, which caused

the criminal behavior in the first place, with a pill developed

to cure addictions to pills? As you can see, genome research is freighted

with such difficulties. We need

to think more about possible unanticipated

consequences, or at least, someone should

do that--I'm too busy. Aside

from that, a number of people believe we've failed

unless we keep a significant portion of our minority population jailed.

This country has worked

hard

to build

the largest population of incarcerated

people in the world;

it's a matter of pride:

we must keep those cells filled

I'm afraid. . .

Quite the conundrum, eh? What? Yes, my name really is McGuffin and

I've heard

every Hitchcock joke ever imagined,

so put a cork in it, bud."

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