Rasputin Named To Head Special Presidential Committee on Miscellaneous Faith-Based Initiatives

ashington, D.C. (Associated Poets) - George W. Bush announced today the creation of a committee to address any miscellaneous faith-based initiatives that might pop up during the course of his administration, and named famed Russian monk Gregory Rasputin as its head.

"We're setting this committee up because something might pop and we might want to address it in a faith-based sort of manner, and we don't know what it might be yet. I believe we've found just the right person to head it up," Bush announced at a press conference today.

"This thing is really going to benefit the American people."

"No one is doing any wheedlin'"

Earlier this week, the White House tried to dispel any rumors that Rasputin was trying to gain a position of influence within the administration. "No one is doing any wheedlin' to get what they want in my administration, least of all Mr. Rasputin ."

Evidently, Rasputin's reputation as a hard-to-kill mystic who could cure hemophilia in royalty, as well as a drunk and womanizer, in late 19th and early 20th century Russia will not affect his appointment to this newly-created post. "Mr. Rasputin might be from Europe, but he's no communist. Plus he's got some great qualifications. Really, he does. And that's what's most important, you know. And he's got some great plans. That's really important too."

Although the wisdom of this move has been questioned by both Congressional Democrats and some members of the administration, there is little doubt that Bush plans on going through with it. Says one anonymous critic, "Well, this certainly won't be the last stupid thing the idiot does."

Rasputin, who has allegedly been living in a very swank DC apartment at government expense, could not be reached for comment.