Newspoet Nominated
"It" Stuck to Man

ewspoet Danielle Chynoweth was nominated by a decisive 61% majority the Democratic candidate for City Council of The People's Republic of Urbana, IL in Ward 4, the notorious hotbed of such fringe radicals as Jayne "Viva Fidel" Burkhardt.

Danielle ousted incumbent -- and favorite of Urbana mayor Tod Satterthwaite -- Carolyn Kearns, whose campaign had, in its final days, swerved violently between uninspired and nasty, as if piloted by a SUV-driver reading their email on their cel phone in rush hour traffic.

Tod and John eye each other woozily through a haze of scotch and soda. John has been matching Tod shot for shot, on the city, and they're both getting pretty fucked up. "How could they do this to me?" Tod whines as Wal-Mart and Coke ads flicker in the background, "They're just like the damn LaRouchies, but worse -- at least the LaRouchies didn't want to turn Urbana into a giant hippie vegetarian coop. I'll be laughed out of Champaign County!"

"Come on Tod," says John, topping off Tod's shot glass, "you gotta think this through. Hey, maybe you chould nail her on some kind of sex scandal, huh? Then we'd really be playing ball with the big boys, just like in Washington D.C., eh?"

"I think you're on to something, my friend. I think you're on to something."

Down Broadway and west a little the fringe radicals nestle into their 61% for a nice long winter sleep.