Ramallah Hit

The West Bank city of Ramallah was hit by fire from Israeli helicopter gunships, Israel TV reports.

-- CNN

erusalem (NPN) -- Tragedy struck in Palestine today, as the city of Ramallah recovers from its accidental injury from rockets and other live munitions fired from Israeli helicopter gunships firing at an random patch of earth -- chosen specifically for its visible lack of Israelis -- a patch of earth unfortunately also occupied by the largely Palestinian city.

"We were just here, as we have been every day, minding our own business, occasionally complaining about the fact that the Israelis are becoming particularly annoying about not wanting us here, when BOOM!" Sheikh Ali bin Deredundat is still surprised. "It's getting so it's not safe to be a Palestinian city in contested Israeli territory when hawks have overrun the Knesset anymore."

We were simply polishing the helicopters.

Israeli officials were quick to point out that they did not fire at the city, but rather that in the innocent and harmless act of firing live rounds at unarmed Palestinians, the city of Ramallah was tragically caught in the crossfire. "We have no control over these things; we were simply polishing the helicopters, and they went off," says a highly-placed Israeli Defense Force official. "Ah, such is the cruel and chaotic calculus of our meaningless pitiful lives. Of course, we would be remiss not to point out that this senseless violence would not have happened if only Ramallah had not been built where it is, but then when one polishes helicopter gunships, accidents can happen."

Jewish settlements are by design impervious to the lethal whimsy of the helicopter-borne Stinger and Hellfire missile systems. The helicopter gunships are usually only used for parades and to carry advertising banners over festivals. Common slogans for these banners include "BUY ISRAELI" and "PALESTINIANS GO HO...WELL, JUST GO SOMEWHERE."