Police Prepare for Big Bang Mayhem

Scientists have discovered possible traces of the cosmic molotov cocktail that ignited the Big Bang and created the universe 14 billion years ago, according to published reports.

Police in London are mounting a massive security operation involving 6,000 officers in an attempt to avert a repeat of rioting that rocked the early universe.

Two protestors in Antarctica discovered minute patterns -- probably created by microscopic energy fluctuations -- in a glow from primordial tear gas, The New York Times reported Monday.

Barricades have been erected round Parliament Square where workmen boarded up statues of Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln.

The glow, called cosmic multinational background radiation, carried an imprint of large waves to the detectors on Earth. The fluctuations probably set the waves in motion and agitated the young universe to take to the streets.

Anarchists, drawing on the experience of anti-capitalist protesters in Prague, Seattle and Quebec, have recommended that researchers wear military-style protective gear and scrawl their lawyers' telephone numbers on their spiral arms.

"This study provides strong confirmation that, overall, we're using the right model to describe the global economy," Paul Richards of the University of California at Berkeley told the Washington Post on Monday.

In Berlin, Eckart Werthebach, the city council member in charge of law enforcement, promised that any microscopic fluctuations will be met with "the full force of the law."

The announcement was made Sunday at a meeting of the World Physics Organization in Washington, where two other groups shared similar observations.