Breaking News: McVeigh Old News

Terre Haute, IN (Associated Poets)

In a shocking development today, there was no news about Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh or his upcoming execution. Not only were there no McVeigh-related events, but no one was interviewed and there were no reports about the ongoing review of documents previously withheld by the FBI, or reminders that McVeigh's execution is imminent.

Stock footage of the lethal injection table at the federal facility here, which is ordinarily run within 15 seconds of the beginning of

An eleventh-hour effort to fill the news vacuum.

each network's prime-time news broadcast, was shelved and the networks led with other stories. The slick three-dimensional logos normally used for lead stories were replaced by hastily-drawn sketches, in what was clearly an eleventh-hour effort to fill the news vacuum.

Many analysts seemed unprepared for this development. When asked about the Italian election today, NPR commentator Daniel Shore glanced nervously around the room as if searching for a copy of the New York Times which might provide him with hints. White House spokesman Ari Fleischer abruptly called off today's press briefing after responding to several reporters' questions with "we are not prepared to comment on that issue at this time."

"Does anyone here have a question about Timothy McVeigh?" he finally asked the crowd of reporters, who looked back and forth at each other and shrugged. "Anyone? No?"