HEADLINES FROM 2001

MOTHER NATURE MISTAKEN FOR AL QUEDA MEMBER, KILLED IN CAVE BOMBINGS

ALBINO CAVE-DWELLING SKINKS MASSACRED BY US BOMBS

HUMMER JEEPS SERIOUS DETERENT FOR SUICIDE BOMBERS ON BAY BRIDGE

ENRON PLACED ON US GOV. TERRORIST LIST

CONSUMERS BUY MASSIVE QUANTITIES OF BULLSHIT ABOUT PATRIOTISM, SHOPPING

NEW YORK CITY SLATED TO BECOME MAJOR CORPORATION SAYS NEXT MAYOR

BUSH, MISSILE DEFENSE: I SEE B.M.

U.S. TELLS WORLD, "IF YOU'RE NOT ON OUR SIDE, WELL FUCK YOU THEN!"

WHITE MEN PROFILED AS INNOCENT WIN TRILLIONS IN DISCRIMINATION SUIT

WOMEN REMOVE VEIL IN AFGANISTAN; U.S GOVERNMENT DONS VEIL IN AMERICA

BUSH POPULARITY AT 80%, COMPETING WITH NBC'S "FRIENDS"