|
How Not to Solve ProblemsIt has been recently brought to the school board's attention that there has been growing tension between the `popular' students and the less popular `goth' children in our county's schools. Kids being kids, the goth children have mocked the popular crowd, and the more powerful popular students have decided to pick on, beat up, and generally make life hell for the goth children. The goth children have until now responded pitifully in any physical conflicts, as could be predicted given that they tend often to be of much slighter build than the `jocks' of the popular crowd.Generally, the school board has left the resolution of these conflicts to the teacher or principal of the school involved. However, in light of recent incidents of school shootings and other violence committed around the nation by goth children (including the recent rash of school vandalism in our west side schools), the school board has decided to take action.
For the purpose of peace-keeping, each popular student will be issued an M-16 automatic rifle. There will also be made available one Apache attack helicopter per popular student clique, to be used at their discretion for peace-keeping purposes. The less popular (i.e., higher risk) children will also be restricted to either the cafeteria or the gymnasium during lunch or any break times. Any travel between these two areas will be made outdoors. The school board will meet next week with the most popular student (Chet Atkins) and the child identified as leader of the less popular goth crowd (Danny Wilson), in an attempt to work out a peace accord. I'm sure you all remember Chet Atkins whose father got us a deal on those Creationism textbooks last year. You probably also remember Danny Wilson, whose cousin set fire to the tire factory last year. Let's try to keep all the children in our prayers this week. I trust that this issue can be resolved in a timely manner without any further incidents.
Sincerely,
|
