What Was That Again?

Indians Trade Colon to Expos

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (Associated Poets) -- Today, a group of elders from the Sioux nation offered a buffalo colon to a consortium of Expos, including Expo '67 in Montreal. What they traded the colon for remains unclear.

Cashier's Dream Euthanized

DENVER, CO (Associated Poets) -- Last week Melanie Frost, a cashier at REI, had a dream in which she was shoplifting camping equipment from work, but it was absurdly large so she was having trouble concealing it. Later in the dream, Frost tried to manufacture a hang-glider out of tent parts and rock-climbing ropes in order to escape, but was unable to find an exit to the store, which was also kind of a hospital full of grotesque burn victims.

This afternoon, in accordance with a living will drawn up by the dream with the assistance of its lawyer, the dream was euthanized. It is survived by its family, including a dream where Melanie falls off the climbing wall and one in which the store is completely flooded, but somehow Melanie can breathe underwater.