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From The Desk of ...Dear Mr. President,We are writing regarding your administration's suggestion that, instead of cutting usage of fossil fuels, we should simply adapt to global warming. Although we applaud your belated acknowledgement of the problem at hand, we are still trying to understand, with great difficulty, your thinking on this matter. Since we, as herd animals who use our legs as our only source of voluntary locomotion, do not use fossil fuels at all, it is incomprehensible to us that fossil fuels would be necessary for migrating. We shall simply accept that they are for now, so that we might move on to our next question without any further ado. We are wondering if perhaps you do not fully comprehend the concepts of adapting and evolving to fit changes in your environment. Maybe you think this is easier than it actually is? Let us assure you, Mr. President, that evolving is an onerous and unpredictable process that can take a very, very long time. You cannot simply will evolution to happen; it takes its own course. As mammals that have survived ice ages and droughts, we fully understand the benefits of adapting and evolving. Whenever we have been pursued by predators, be it wolves, bears, or humans shooting from train windows, we have wished to evolve faster legs, claws, or bulletproof hides very, very quickly. To our knowledge, these things have never happened. As a species we are suggesting, Mr. President, that you read up on evolution very, very soon. If reading is not your strong suit, PBS has made many fine documentaries over the years, on both evolution and global warming, that you might find suitable. Many of these are available for rent at fine video rental stores in the greater Washington DC metropolitan area. We urge you to develop an understanding of the situation at hand, and to change the way your administration views global warming. We assure you, it is far easier for US citizens to adapt their consumption habits than it is for residents of small Pacific Ocean islands (or the East Coast, for that matter), to evolve gills. We hope you are able to appropriately address this matter with your staff, and see that it is properly resolved.
Respectfully yours,
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